Save Me
by Shinara66
Summary: Based on the promo for 7x09, this is my attempt at assuaging my own nausea. Three months after Arizona left for Africa, she returns and finds that Callie has 'moved on'.
1. Chapter 1

** Title: **Save Me (1/2)  
**Author: **Shinara66  
**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Summary: ** Based on the promo for 7x09, this is my attempt at assuaging my own nausea. Three months after Arizona left for Africa, she returns and finds that Callie has 'moved on'  
**Disclaimer: ** All television shows, books, movies, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Arizona Robbins sighed as she stepped out of the cab and regarded the looming building of the hospital before her. Turning around only long enough to pay her cab fare, she straightened her jacket on her shoulders and walked toward the entrance in front of her.

It had been three months since she'd last been in Seattle. Three months since she'd left the love of her life. Though the blonde headed woman still stood by her decision to have Callie remain behind, the one thing she couldn't reconcile within herself, was the knowledge that the Latina hated her.

She knew she had hurt Callie. Immensely. It was something she had fought herself on the entire time she'd been away. The knowing did little to ease her pain over the situation. Callie didn't know. The taller woman, most likely, had come to assume that Arizona had done her like everyone else in her life had. Abandoned her. The striking raven headed ortho surgeon probably thought that Arizona had never loved her if she could walk away from her so, seemingly, easy.

Arizona couldn't continue her work in Africa knowing how broken she'd left her girlfriend. Her decision had been the right decision. For both of them. She knew that. Believed that. She just could no longer handle being the only one who possessed that information.

Entering the hospital, the blue eyed woman was immediately hit with a wave of nostalgia. The sights, sounds, and smells of the building brought back vivid memories of her time here. Of her time with Callie.

A voice behind her washed away her momentary lapse into the past.

"Arizona? Oh my God! What are you doing here? Are you back?"

Before she could reply, slender arms were around her neck and were hugging her fiercely. Startled briefly, it took the small woman a moment to reciprocate the gesture.

"Teddy! Hey!"

Teddy Altman pulled away and smiled brightly at her friend. She kept her arms on the blonde's shoulders as she took in her appearance.

"You look good, Arizona. A tan was just what you needed, though I can't say the same about the weight loss."

Arizona smiled shyly and ducked her eyes. "Yeah, working nonstop and spending a lot of time in the heat will do that for you."

The heart surgeon studied her friend for a second more before smiling her acceptance of the explanation. Patting the smaller woman's arms in a friendly gesture, she stepped away from her and asked, "So, what are you doing back?"

The blonde sighed and let her shoulders relax. Her friend's question held a huge answer. Arizona was back for many reasons. Callie being the main one. Family obligations being another. An accident she wished to forget driving the two other reasons home for her.

Deciding to provide Teddy with only the vaguest of details, Arizona replied, "My dad's sister passed away. I just got in from Maryland after attending her funeral. I-uh-I wanted to see Callie so I decided to...make an unexpected trip here."

The hazel eyed woman watched the blonde's face and lowered her brow. Arizona appeared agitated. Almost fidgety. Though it had been a few months since she'd been around the other woman, Teddy got the impression that her friend was keeping a larger part of the truth from her.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear about your aunt." she said, stalling for time.

Arizona waved a hand and shook her head, "It's...yeah...thank-you."

Silence settled around the two women. Around them, the sounds of the hospital echoed in the background.

"So, is-is Callie working today?" the former peds attending asked. Teddy's hesitance and the nervous shuffle of her feet were starting to leave her unsettled.

Swallowing and shaking her head, Teddy glanced around them before replying.

"No, she's off today. Arizona...um-"

"That's good. I mean, I need to talk with her so that's good. Is she back in our old apartment or..."

The blue eyed woman let her words hang between them hoping that Teddy would pick them up and finish her sentence for her.

Her friend sighed. "No, she won't be able to get the apartment back until next month."

"Then, where is staying in the mean time?"

Teddy grabbed Arizona's shoulders and pulled her away from the entrance to the hospital. Bringing them both to a secluded corner, she planted her feet firmly on the floor beneath her and looked into her friend's eyes.

"She's living with Mark, Arizona."

* * *

Callie closed her eyes and forced herself to not think of what she was doing. The heavy body on top of her was so completely different from what she'd became accustomed to over the last year. Where her previous lover had been soft, her current one was rough. His hands were not as gentle as Arizona's had been. His weight was almost suffocating and the way his beard scratched her face when he kissed her was almost painful.

Arizona had always been tender and soft and...womanly. Her curves had been welcomed, her weight a compliment, not a burden.

Feeling Mark slide his hands down her body, she cried on the inside at what she was allowing to happen. What she had been allowing to happen. Mark was Mark. He didn't ask questions. He was different, in every way, compared to Arizona.

That had been the reason she'd originally started sleeping with him again. He was different. He was a man. They had sex whereas she and Arizona had made love. After the other woman had left her at the airport and utterly broken her heart, Callie had thought to sleep with other women. To be the lesbian she never could have been for the blonde.

That thought had quickly left her mind when she realized that other women would remind her too much of her ex. Even if they were rough and the sex was hard and fast, they still would have felt like women. They would have smelled like women, felt like women. She hadn't wanted that. She'd wanted to get as far away as she could from everything that would have reminded her of Arizona Robbins.

Sleeping with Mark Sloan again was something she'd thought, so short a time ago, that she'd never be doing again. Mark was her friend. The sex was...satisfactory at best. But, he didn't expect a relationship. If he left her, she'd lose a good friend, sure, but she could always find a willing male participant to her current act.

She knew she was spiraling the drain. She knew she was killing herself little by little. Every time she slept with Mark, she hated herself that much more. She knew her behavior was self destructive, but she didn't care anymore. Caring had gotten her nowhere. Attempting to be one half in a loving adult relationship had gotten her nowhere. Trying to love the one she loved had ended in heart ache.

Callie Torres couldn't continue putting her heart on line. So, she slept with Mark Sloan. Her heart was never involved when they had sex. It was just her body. Arizona still had her heart, but the other woman had stepped on it. Giving her body to Mark was just one way of getting through the mediocrity her everyday life had become.

Mark squeezed her left breast, almost roughly, as he kissed a rough path down her neck. Tears welled up in her eyes at the knowledge of where everything was leading. She could feel his erection and it made her want to vomit. His hands stopped at her pants and he pulled back to tear them from her body.

She hated herself. She hated what she was allowing Mark to do to her. She hated Arizona for leaving her and making her come to such rash decisions.

A knock at the door of the living room stopped her self depreciating thoughts. Who would be coming to visit Mark in the middle of the day?

"Mark, stop. There's someone here." she said heavily. The older man probably thought the weight of her voice was from arousal. Little did he know it was from her attempts to not cry. To not vomit.

"They can come back later, Torres." he said, pulling his shirt over his head and grinding his hips down on hers.

The gesture caused a knot to form in her throat. Sleeping with Mark was supposed to be easy. It was supposed to make her forget and allow her to stop thinking about Arizona. It wasn't supposed to get harder every time she did it. Yet, it did. It was. Each time they slept together, it was less and less fulfilling and it was harder for her to get into the act at all.

Pushing back on his shoulders, she shoved him off of her. "It could be important, Mark." she said, leaving the room and crossing the living room.

Without checking to see who was at Mark's door, Callie grasped the handle and opened the barrier between her and whoever was outside.

Her stomach fell and her heart shattered when she looked into a pair of pained, startled and stormy blue eyes.

"Arizona?" her voice was weak and the single name was an obstacle as it rolled painfully off of her tongue.

The blonde let her eyes travel across Callie's face. Her ex had cut her hair, but she couldn't even take a moment to appreciate the new look. Her eyes took in the hickey on her neck, the disheveled appearance of her shirt, and the fact that the other woman was standing before her with no pants on.

Swallowing back her tears, she opened her mouth to say something but her eyes caught movement before she could give voice to her emotions.

"Come on Torres, we can do this the fast way. I need to be at the hospital in half an hour."

Mark Sloan exited his bedroom and entered the living room. He smooth, well chiseled chest and his crude comment put everything into perspective for Arizona.

Closing her eyes and biting her cheek, she attempted to fight off the wave of sick nausea that had suddenly overcome her. She placed her hand on the frame of the door and tried to remain upright.

"Arizona?" Mark asked. He could feel the color draining from his face as well as the blood draining from other parts of his anatomy.

The blonde took in a deep, shaky breath before releasing it in a deeper, shuddering exhalation. Standing up fully, she met Callie's wide brown eyes and swallowed her pain.

"Arizona...l-let me explain. This isn't wh-" Callie started. She couldn't believe she was looking at her ex. The smaller woman was actually standing before. Her blue eyes were haunted, but Callie was actually looking into them.

She noticed that Arizona was darker than she remembered and she appeared to have lost some weight, but despite those two things, the love of her life was standing right in front of her.

"This was a mistake." as all the blonde said before turning away from Callie and moving quickly down the hallway.

The Latina watched the blonde walk away from her, again, and panicked. Turning around, she rushed past Mark and grabbed her pants. Pulling them over her hips quickly, she left her roommate without another word and hurried after her ex.

* * *

Arizona has half way to the elevator when Callie caught up with her. She reached her arm out and grabbed the smaller woman's arm.

Arizona turned around and yanked her arm way from Callie's touch. Her eyes were hard and the Latina noticed tears freely falling down her face.

"Don't touch me. You let him touch you so don't you dare touch me." the blonde spatted as she turned back around and continued heading for the elevator.

When Teddy had informed her that Callie was living with Mark Sloan, it had upset her but she knew she had left her ex in quite a bind. Mark was Callie's friend and Arizona and he had come to a mutual understanding. Or so she had thought.

Arizona didn't know if Teddy knew about Callie and Mark or if the other woman had just chosen to remain quiet on the matter. The blue eyed woman had been nervous enough about coming back to Seattle and seeing Callie and that anxiety had only increased when she'd learned Callie was living with Mark.

Never, though, had the thought crossed her mind that the two of them would be...would be having sex again. The prospect had been a fear of Arizona's as long as she and Callie had been involved. It had nearly broken them because the blonde was unable to give as much of herself to Callie as she'd wanted. Her fears. her mistrust, had been a huge issue for them.

Now, it seemed, her fears had been warranted. Granted, she had left and told Callie to remain behind and be happy. Sure, she had brought about the fruition of Callie's greatest fear, but seeing what she had just seen and knowing that Mark's hands, his body had been on her love's, was sickening to Arizona.

She'd only been away for three months. Had it really only taken her ex that small amount of time to forget her and spread her legs for Mark Sloan? Her fears had been justifed and suddenly, Arizona wished she'd never decided to come see Callie.

She must have been easy to forget. Easy to get over. Callie had wasted no time in moving in with Mark and had wasted even less time in going back to her old ways. Her old habits. Her old sexual desires. Had she not fulfilled Callie sexually? Had the other woman not be satisfied sleeping with a woman? Was everything they'd had a joke? A pretty pink bubble Arizona had lived in but had never been something Callie had wanted?

"Arizona...you don't understand." Callie cried, reaching for her again.

The blonde finally came to the elevator doors and forcefully slammed her hand on the call button. Her heart was racing madly in her chest and her throat was tight with her emotional turmoil. Tears were falling from her eyes and her breathing was threatening to give out at any moment.

"I understand, perfectly, Callie." she said and quickly entered the cab of the elevator.

She heard the other woman entering the small space with her and turned around. Callie was crying frantically and her chest was heaving. Her eyes were pleading with Arizona to...to what?

"Get out, Callie. Go back and finish what I interrupted." the blue eyed woman said in a voice that belied her emotional state.

Callie sniffed and shook her head. She kept herself in the center of the elevator doorway so that they wouldn't close and her ex couldn't leave.

"Please, Arizona. Let me explain. I love yo-"

Arizona's resolve broke. Callie was fucking Mark Sloan and here she was declaring her love for her? She felt sick. She needed to get away from the other woman. Her presence was disorienting to the blonde and seeing the hickey on her neck left her with a bad taste in her mouth.

Reacting without thinking, she pushed Callie's larger frame from the elevator and watched her ex love's eyes widen in shock at the emotional outburst.

"How dare you! Just get away from me." she yelled. The doors to the elevator closed before Callie could wrap her brain around what had just happened.

* * *

Several hours later, Arizona found herself lying on the bed in her hotel room. Her life had no direction. Everything was upside down. If Callie had been wanting to hurt her for leaving her at the airport, then the woman deserved a medal. She'd done just that. The pain she currently felt was like nothing she'd ever experienced. It was just as all consuming as the love she still had for Callie.

Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Callie standing half naked in the doorway of Mark's apartment. Her mind would play harsh tricks on her and give her a vivid display of the man moving on top of her ex. It would show her his hands kneading her flesh and his lips moving across the ruby red she'd been addicted to.

As if those images weren't bad enough, her mind would show her more if she allowed her mind to drift. It would show her Callie with her legs wrapped around Mark's body and her head thrown back in pleasure. It would show her Callie with her hands digging into the flesh of Mark's back as she sank her teeth into his shoulder.

The more she thought of things, the sicker she became. The sickness was real. She felt hot, nauseous, light-headed and dizzy. The sickness she felt was heart sickness.

She wished she'd never won the Carter-Madison grant. She wished she'd never followed a broken woman into a bar bathroom. She wished she'd never gone against her gut and fallen in love with a newborn.

Heavy pounding startled her and caused her to sit up in the bed. Her head was aching from the images that had been racing through her mind and her chest, though it was hollow, spasmed when she moved.

Walking, sluggishly, toward the door of the hotel, she looked through the peephole and sighed before opening the door.

"Callie, just go. I'm too tired to fight you." she said. She turned away and started heading back toward the bed she'd just left.

Callie remained in the door and watched the retreating form of her ex lover. She hadn't been expecting that reaction.

Entering the room and closing the door behind her, the taller woman ran a hand through her shorter hair and sighed.

"Arizona, you have to listen to me. You have to let me talk." she said. Already her voice was wavering.

The blonde stopped just short of entering her room and turned around.

"You don't get to tell me what I have to do, Callie."

"Stop it! Stop-stop calling me that." the Latina yelled. Her throat constricted when she noticed Arizona had no reaction to her outburst.

The other woman just stared at her with sad, tired eyes. They were the eyes of a person who had given up. Who had nothing worth fighting for.

"You weren't supposed to be here, Arizona. You weren't supposed to see me like this."

Arizona shook her head slowly and crossed her arms. She leaned her body against the frame of the door to her room.

"Sorry to mess everything up. I won't be here long so you can get back to opening your legs for Mark."

Callie visibly shrank back from the venom in the other woman's words. Her breath left her body in a heavy sigh.

"You can't leave me again, Arizona. You can't come back and judge me when it's your fault we're even in this situation!"

The blonde laughed bitterly and took a step closer to her ex. Her eyes were dark and Callie barely recognized her.

"You're blaming me for you sleeping with Mark?" the smaller woman yelled across the room.

"Yes! You left me, Arizona! I was never good enough for you-"

The smaller woman scoffed and narrowed her eyes. She didn't feel like taking part in this blame fest, but Callie was determined to drag her along. She was tired. The past week had been trying. She had been on one plane or another since getting the news about her aunt and the week before that had been just as taxing.

She shook her head and refused to think about that particular week.

"Good enough for me? Is that what you think?" she demanded.

Callie stepped closer to her and her tears were easily noticeable on her flawless skin. Arizona could see her bottom lip trembling and her hands shaking.

"I never was and you know it. I wasn't a good enough lesbian for you. I wasn-"

The blonde cut her off, "Three months after I left and you're already sleeping with Mark! Why wouldn't I have fears about you going back to men? You proved my point, Callie!"

"Fuck you, Arizona. You have no idea what I've been through. You think I like sleeping with Mark?"

The blonde locked her jaw and placed her hands on her hips. She could feel her head pounding with more force the longer Callie was in her room.

"Obviously you like fucking Mark because you go back to him every time something goes wrong. I guess I was just never able to satisfy you. Wrong parts and all that."

Arizona shrugged her shoulders and cocked her head to the side when she finished her statement.

Callie shook her head and lowered her eyes to the floor. How had the two of them fallen so far from grace? How had they gone from loving embraces, heated whispers, and heart felt declarations to bitter resentment and open insecurities?

Did Arizona truly believe that she enjoyed sex with Mark Sloan? Did she actually think that she'd been unable to sexually satisfy her? The blonde could not have been more wrong. It wasn't about sex. It wasn't about male parts vs female parts. Callie had never experienced sexual fulfillment with anyone other than Arizona. Getting off and taking part in a life altering, soul connecting orgasm were two entirely different things.

Had she really done so poor a job in ensuring that Arizona knew how much she meant to her?

"You have no idea what I've been through." Callie repeated. Her voice was low as she tried to regain a sense of calm.

"I can see you've suffered a lot, Callie. Just go. I don't want to do this with you. You don't owe me any explanations anyway."

She turned and walked into the room behind her. Callie wasted no time in following her and continuing her argument.

"Stop walking away from me! Why are you even here, Arizona?"

The blonde stopped at the edge of her bed and let her blue eyes meet brown. She hurt so much. The pain was so intense, she was numb. It was as if her body could no longer take everything she was feeling.

"I'm here because I owed _you_ explanations. It doesn't really matter now."

Callie reached out to her and grabbed her arm before the other woman could turn away from her again. Electricity shot up her arm and slammed into her body. God, she'd missed that feeling. It was the one feeling that she'd become addicted to and had so missed when Arizona left. Life. That was the feeling. Love, happiness, desire, peace. It was life. Life affirming.

"I'm sorry I slept with Mark, Arizona. I did it because I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I did it because I couldn't take not being able to be with you. Mark makes me not feel."

Arizona, as before, pulled her arm free from Callie's grasp. She put space between them by walking across the room to stand by the window.

"You disgust me. You slept with Mark to cope? You think that makes this hurt any less? Is that how you chose to deal with our problems? Fucking Mark Sloan when the going gets tough?"

Callie was shocked. Arizona's words were still full of so much hatred and pain. She was at a loss as to how to handle the situation. What did the other woman want her to say?

"You want to know how I coped, Callie?" Arizona asked. Her eyes were looking out the window and her voice was nearly silent.

The tall Latina offered no reply, but it wasn't required. The blonde started to speak shortly after posing the question.

"I convinced myself that letting you go, even though it was hurting me to do so, was for the best because you deserved to be happy. I buried myself in my work and took pride in knowing that I was helping tiny humans. I stared at your picture and held the necklace you'd given me for hours on end."

The blonde's voice sounded dead in Callie's ears. It had taken on a far away quality that caused the dark skinned woman's stomach to fall.

"I looked at your picture." Arizona said again as she turned around to face her ex.

Tears were welling up brown eyes.

"You're telling me I have no idea what you've been through? You have no idea what I've been through, Callie."

Callie noticed the wavering in the blonde's tone. It was heavy.

"Arizona-"

"I was attacked, Callie, for staring at your picture."

Callie felt her world fall away at the words. She didn't know how to process them. Silence was the only response she could muster.

"One of the village men followed me one night and noticed the necklace and your picture. He saw the two of us together and he reacted harshly. I was nervous, but I didn't really give it a second thought. Until a few nights later."

Arizona stopped herself and closed her eyes. She attempted to bring her breathing to order and calm the fear wreaking havoc on her insides.

Callie took a step toward her, but refrained from touching her.

"Arizona, did he rape you?" she asked. Her voice sounded different in her own head. She could feel bile rising to her throat.

The blonde opened her eyes and looked at her. Tears were sliding down her face and pooling around her nose. Her jaw was stuck out in defiance.

"No, Callie. Some of the other doctors heard the...heard me yelling for help and they stopped him before he could..."

She lowered her eyes unable to finish the retelling. Callie said nothing. Arizona could hear her breathing becoming more unstable.

"That's what I'm doing here, Callie. One of the reasons."

The raven haired woman didn't know how to respond. When Arizona had left earlier, Callie had been beside herself. She couldn't take Arizona leaving her again. She'd known she had to talk to her. Mark had tried to apologize when she'd returned to the apartment, but she'd ignored him and left.

Her first, and only stop, had been the hospital. She knew someone, one of her friends, had to have told Arizona she was living with Mark. After asking around, she finally gotten the information she'd required from Teddy. The cardio attending had told her of Arizona's arrival, her aunt's death, and her desire to speak with Callie.

All the while, as she'd been making her way to the blonde's hotel, she'd never thought to hear what she'd just heard. It floored her.

She stepped into the blonde's personal space and her heart shattered when she noticed the other woman flinch.

Everything was such a mess.

"Arizona...I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

The blue eyed woman tried to back away from her but soon found that she was caught between the window and the body of her ex.

"I'm super, Callie." she said without looking up.

What did Callie expect her to say? How did she expect her to feel? Her time in Africa was done. Her relationship was over. Her life was in tatters. She had won the Carter-Madison grant. She'd been given the opportunity to change lives. She'd been over the moon about it.

Or, at least, she had been. Callie's passive-aggressive faux happiness had ruined it for her and she'd realized that the other woman coming with her was a bad idea in the long run. After leaving the love of her life, she'd faced forward and tried to live the dream, but her sexuality had bitten her in the ass and brought about the most frightening experience of her life.

Now, she was back in Seattle, having turned away from Africa, only to find out that her ex was sleeping with the one person she'd always felt second best to.

Callie placed a tender hand on her face and smoothed it across the plane of her cheek. The taller woman was leaning into her and it caused her to panic.

"Stop, Callie." she said, trying to back away.

The Latina only moved with her and continued to touch her. Her own tears were plain on her face.

"I'm sorry, baby. For everything. I love you so much." the end of Callie's statement came out in a sob.

Feeling Arizona's skin under her fingers, smelling her body, feeling her warmth, they were all things she'd been denied for three months. The simple contact she was currently engaged in was the most fulfilling contact she'd experienced since Arizona's departure.

Arizona jerked her head away in an attempt to move away from the woman in front of her. She didn't want this. She didn't want Callie touching her when she'd, so recently, been touching Mark Sloan. Even still, the other woman's presence was a drug. Her body was tingling and her heart was racing against her ribs.

"You've shown me how much you love me, Callie." she said, keeping her head pressed against the window behind her.

"Please stop calling me that." the Latina begged. She ran her hands down Arizona's sides and inhaled deeply at the contact.

For the second time that day, the blonde pushed the taller woman away from her and moved away from her previous position.

"What the hell do you expect from me?" she yelled.

Callie sniffed back her tears and watched her begin to pace. She said nothing. She didn't know what else to say or even if there was anything left that she could say.

Arizona ran her hands through her hair and walked back and forth in front of her. Callie's silence was annoying her and only proving to work her up all the more.

"What do you want from me? What you want?" she yelled again, advancing on the other woman.

Callie let her yell and rant. She deserved it. She took a deep breath when the blonde got in her face and pushed her lightly.

"What do you want?" the smaller woman asked again, though this time, her voice held much less force.

Hands slapped at her shoulders and continued to push at her body. The blue eyed woman asked, repeatedly, the same question.

Finally, when Callie's heart could take no more, she grabbed the hands attempting to push her again, and held them out to her sides.

Before Arizona could react, she crushed her lips into hers and pushed her tongue past her teeth. There was a moment of resistance but Callie forced the blonde's hands behind her back and melded their bodies together.

When she felt her ex open her mouth to draw air into her lungs, she surged forward and continued to kiss her. She'd missed this. Nothing in the world compared to this feeling. Nothing else could ever come close to the reaction her body had for Arizona's.

Three months. It had been three months since she'd kissed this woman. Three months and it still felt amazing. She'd missed the softness. Mark's beard and stubble had started to turn her stomach. Arizona was soft and alluring.

She didn't smell like after shave or male cologne. She smelled sweet and tender. Where before, the feeling of Mark's pecks would have witnessed the beating of her heart, now the soft, yet also firm, swell of Arizona's breasts connected with her own and brought her heart back to life.

This was what she'd been trying to forget when she slept with Mark. This all consuming, all powerful, unnerving sense of wonder. This feeling. This woman.

Arizona.

She heard herself moaning through her sobs and her heavy breathing and she gave herself over to what was happening.

This was what she expected from Arizona. This love.

Pulling away long enough to breathe erratically, she ran her nose along the blonde's and nipped at her lips before drawing the smaller woman in her arms towards her once again.

Arizona's tongue swept over her lips and invaded her mouth. Mark was a decent enough kisser, but he couldn't do the things with his tongue, his lips, his mouth that Arizona could. He relied on other parts of his body. Well, one part of his body.

Arizona used every part of herself to convey what she was feeling. She always had. When her tongue invaded Callie's mouth, the Latina felt it everywhere. When her hands were on her body, she felt their touch inside her.

She had missed this. Wanted this. Needed this. Three months without and she found herself behaving like a dying man having found water.

She felt herself being pushed backward and the back of her knees connected with the blonde's bed.

She knew what was coming. Part of her wanted to stop because the two of them needed to talk. Arizona was still upset with her. She still needed to understand so many things.

The other part of her wanted to feel alive. If only for one last night. This woman held her heart and she was willing to give her her body even if it held the possibility of ending them forever.


	2. Chapter 2

This was happening. She'd thought this desire a far off dream. But it was real. Arizona was shoving her on her back to the mattress of the bed and Callie was so overcome with want, with lust, that she could barely get her body to cooperate. She needed for this to happen. She needed to wash away the feeling of Mark from her body. Her soul. She loved Mark. She did, but she hated what he'd come to represent from her. Self-loathing.

Arizona pressed her knee between Callie's thighs and roughly moved against her. Her tongue toyed with her own and her lips breathed a wave of shivering anticipation across her mouth.

"Arizona..." she moaned out as she threw her head against the pillows behind her.

There was something different in the other woman's touch. It was still Arizona. The blonde still touched her the same, yet it felt differently. It felt rougher than she knew it truly be. It wasn't reverent or loving, even. It was passionate and heated and carried with it a desire Callie couldn't place.

The soft, comforting, warm and welcome body on top of hers ignored her heated cry and pulled her up by her jacket. The movement was unexpected yet also sexy at the same time.

Arizona pushed the jacket from her shoulders and quickly moved her fingers under her top. Callie expected the blonde to sensually reconnect with her skin, to trace her fingers over her stomach and across the underside of her ribs. She expected wrong. Arizona lifted her shirt up and roughly removed it from her body.

Callie barely had a moment to register where the garment landed before the smaller woman pushed her back against the bed and inserted her thigh back between Callie's legs. The friction felt good to the Latina. It was hot and throbbing and it was everything she'd not felt when sleeping with Mark Sloan.

She soon found herself surrounded by the blonde's hair. The familiar smell left her feeling dizzy and she felt herself starting to cry as the woman on top of her moved her lips down her chin and neck.

Arizona's lips were sliding down her flesh in a frenzy. She felt teeth nipping her and dragging across her throat before the blue eyed woman bit down, painfully, on her pusle point.

The gesture caused her to cry out and open her eyes. The sensation hurt but it was also uncontrolled and heated and sent pulsations down to her sex.

She attempted to bring her hands to the head of wavy blonde hair around her, but Arizona jerked away and released the hold her mouth had on her throat.

"No..." was all the blonde said.

She raised Callie's hands to the sides of her head and leaned forward so that her body weight would keep those hands where she desired. Away from her body.

Rocking down against the dark haired woman's body, Arizona moved her leg between Callie's and, almost, painfully, slammed it against her core.

The Latina could barely breathe. She was turned on so much she couldn't keep her eyes open. Her clit was in a constant state of vibration but at the same time almost hurt with the urgency she felt from her ex's touch.

Her neck was throbbing and she could still feel Arizona's teeth against her skin. This wasn't the way she remembered making love with Arizona. It was nothing but feeling, but without emotion.

It hit her, suddenly, the realization of what was transpiring. Arizona wasn't making love to her. She was having sex with her. That was the difference. The blonde was punishing her in a way.

"Is this not enough for you? Is this not what you want from me?" the smaller woman said from above her.

Callie moved her hips to meet the steady contact of her ex partner's and opened her eyes. Arizona was looking down at her, but it wasn't loving and awe inspired. Her eyes weren't shining from their special connection and she wasn't moving to ensure that she brought Callie an emotional orgasm as well as a physical.

Despite knowing everything she'd just realized, the dark skinned ortho surgeon couldn't stop herself. Sex with Arizona still held more of a meaning for her than good old fashioned guy-gal missionary sex did.

If this was all she could get from the blonde, she'd take it and savor it. She told herself that, after this was over, she was done sleeping with Mark. She wanted the last person to have touched her and felt her body to have been Arizona.

"No, this isn't want I want from you, Arizona." she pleaded through hooded lids. She wanted more. She wanted her fingers on her, in her. She wanted her mouth to erase the evidence of Mark's touches. She wanted the other woman to slow down and worship her body as she once had.

Arizona removed her right hand, from Callie's left, and trailed it down to her chest. She spread her fingers wide and palmed the other woman's breast through her bra. Callie's nipple instantly reacted to the familiar touch and showed its peak against the dark material.

Mark had never been able to get such a quick reaction from her. Often times, she'd been barely able to get aroused at all and the man had ended up bringing about his own orgasm while she faked her own for his benefit.

This was different. Her body knew Arizona. It had been made to respond to this woman's touch. Rather that touch was gentle and loving or rough and insistent, her body didn't differentiate.

She pushed herself up and felt a small hand squeeze her flesh. She moaned and bit her lip to keep her sob within her body.

"Does he touch you this way, Callie?" Arizona whispered against her ear. Her breath was hot and it made Callie's eyes roll back in her head.

Teeth found the sensitive skin below her ear and, a moment later, she felt them digging into her neck again. She quickly remembered that Mark had left a hickey in the same spot a few nights ago when he'd come to his own orgasm on top of her.

The memory made her sick and she wished she could forget it. Feeling Arizona's mouth in that same spot brought to her attention what the other woman was doing.

She was marking her.

The knowledge seemed so...cave man. So...territorial. But, it was also hot and, in a very twisted way, loving.

A sharp pain brought tears to her eyes and a very audible gasp left her lips. A wet warmth on her skin informed her that Arizona Robbins had just bitten her. Her ex, with the super magic smile, had just drawn blood.

Granted it was probably a very minute amount, but knowing that her ex felt that strongly was confusing to Callie.

"Answer me. Does he touch you this way? Is that what you like?"

Arizona's voice was shaking. It was obvious, by the sound of it, that the other woman was crying herself.

Callie moved her free hand down her body and fumbled with the button to her pants. She felt Arizona moving her own hand downward and the two of them fought a moment before Callie succeeded in popping the button.

"I don't want you to touch me the way he does. You know what I like. He doesn't. I never wanted him to." the tall Latina breathed out heavily as she looked into blue eyes that had suddenly focused on her.

Grabbing the blonde's hand, she threaded their fingers and slowly lowered their conjoined hands into her pants. She heard herself gasp in anticipation. Arizona's fingers fit perfectly between her legs. Her slender, delicate fingers were always one of Callie's favorite things about her.

The blonde watched her face and studied her reaction.

Callie used both of their hands to move past her panties and finally meet the moist arousal the blonde had been building. She opened her mouth in appreciation when she felt the touch she'd not felt in three months time.

Mark, hell, none of her other lovers had been able to make her so wet. She'd not known a woman could produce so much wetness until she'd made love to Arizona. That hadn't changed.

She watched as the face above her shifted, albeit very quickly, to the face of the woman she knew and loved. For the briefest of moments, Arizona looked at her the way she had every single time she'd touched Callie in this way.

Awed. Thankful. Respectful.

The look was gone before Callie could even smile at having seen it. The dark hue that had been present in Arizona's blue eyes returned as she tore her hand from her ex's and roughly entered her with two long fingers.

For a fraction of a second, Arizona had been able to forget that she and Callie were over. She'd been able to forget that the woman beneath her had, only a few hours ago, been allowing Mark Sloan the same privilege she was currently taking part in.

Callie's half cry at her sudden intrusion left her feeling more sick than she could ever remember. Fingers on her wrist slowed her fast pace and she looked up to see her ex crying.

"Don't touch me like him. Please. I want to remember you, Arizona. Just this last time."

The blonde swallowed hard and stilled her fingers. The other woman's smooth muscles around her fingers steadily tried to pull her in farther and her wetness continued to spill around them. She swallowed again and let her head fall to Callie's chest.

They stayed that way from several moments. Arizona could feel Callie's heart beating and it vibrated into her skull and caused her own heart to follow it's rhythm.

Without possessing the ability to stop herself, Arizona started to cry against Callie's chest. She moved her fingers, gently inside the other woman to signal her actions.

Looking back up at the woman she had loved more than anything, the blonde leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed her they way she knew Mark never could. She kissed her like someone who, despite everything, was in love with her.

She felt Callie smiling into the kiss. Tears from the Latina's eyes fell down her cheeks and her hips moved up and down in an, ever increasing, but gentle speed.

"Yes, Ari...this-this is what I've wanted. You..." she said, pulling away from the smaller woman's lips. "You...I've missed you...I've missed you so much."

Arizona said nothing. She let the other woman's words hang freely around her but she didn't make any attempt to catch them.

Lowering her head to the crook of Callie's neck, she placed her hips behind her hand and rolled her body to increase the movement between her ex's legs.

The orgasm came more quickly than she was used to, but she savored the tight squeezing Callie's sex engaged in around her fingers.

A deep, keening, and guttural moan sounded against her ears as the other woman enjoyed her release.

Before Callie could say or do anything to make the moment any more confusing, Arizona pulled her fingers out of her and rolled away from the bed.

The Latina watched as the blonde entered the small, adjoining, bathroom of her bedroom and slammed the door closed behind her.

* * *

Callie remained perfectly still with her chest heaving and her tears stinging her eyes. She placed a hand over her heart and felt it beating more heavily than she could remember. Strangled sobs from behind the closed door to her right brought her down from her high and allowed her reality to connect with her.

She moved the hand that had been on her chest to her neck and flinched at the contact. Pulling her fingers away, she gazed upon the slight reddish warmth covering them.

She felt Arizona everywhere. Her body had been marked by her. A mirror hanging on the closet door in front of her showed her the truth of Arizona's actions.

A large, purplish discoloration was covering one side of her neck. She could just barely make out teeth marks in the bruise. The other side of her neck showed her where the blonde had bitten her. The light amount of blood the gesture had brought about was drying.

Swallowing and rolling over on her side, she asked herself why she always made the worst decisions. Was she just cursed to repeat her past mistakes over and over again? Was she destined to relive the same heartache time after time?

Had anyone have asked her a year ago if she thought it was possible for she and Arizona to be in their current state of affairs, she would have openly laughed in their face.

Arizona Robbins had been the one good thing Callie had experienced in her life. The blonde had made her see herself and realize her own self worth. Her own potential.

When she'd left, Callie hadn't known how to cope. She hadn't known how to be Arizona's Calliope without Arizona.

The sound of running water came to her attention and she glanced over her shoulder hoping to see her ex.

Upon noticing the door was still shut, Callie moved off the bed and took a deep breath. She didn't bother buttoning her pants or putting her shirt back on. Crossing the, surprisingly, short distance to the bathroom, the tall woman knocked on the door and waited for a reply.

No such thing came.

Opening the door and resolving herself to the possibility of the smaller woman yelling at her, Callie froze when she saw the blonde.

Arizona was standing in front of the sink in her sweat pants and a bra. On the right side of her body, slightly below her rib cage, a fading bruise could be seen. Callie noticed, rather quickly, that the bruise resembled the imprint left by that of a human hand.

The man. The villager Arizona had spoken of. He had left the mark on her...on her ex.

Callie watched as the blonde's blue eyes moved in the mirror. They left the bruise on her body and met the dark brown of the room's newest occupant. The raven haired woman glanced past the blonde and checked the water level of the bath tub.

Entering the room and closing the door behind her, Callie walked up behind Arizona and met her yes in the was so much that needed to be said that neither one of them where to begin. Both of them wondered if they should even try.

Callie moved her hand down the smaller woman's side and continued to hold her eyes in the mirror. She noticed Arizona flinch, again, at her touch but she made no move to change things.

"Did you ever love me?" Callie whispered as her fingers moved over the dark reminder of Arizona's attack.

Her touch was light, hesitant, and reassuring. The blonde wished she could will her mind to move her body. This wasn't helping matters any.

Holding the brown eyes of he ex with her own blue, Arizona replied, "Yes, more than I've ever loved anyone."

The sound of rushing water continued to lure the two women into a state of easy going bliss. It was deceiving.

"Then how could you just walk away from me? We'd just gotten back together, Arizona. We'd moved in together and were planning our lives. I was willing to follow you anywhere but you-"

"I couldn't allow you to, Callie." the smaller woman interjected heatedly.

There it was again. Callie. Arizona didn't call her Callie. Not unless she was peeved with her or angry or hurt. Arizona had been one of a very small list of people who were privileged enough to call her by her full name. The sound of her name sliding off the blonde's tongue and passing over he lips had been the sweetest sound the Latina had known. No one said her name the way Arizona had. No one. It had become a term of endearment between them. Callie missed that.

Arizona moved out of her embrace and sat on the edge of the bathtub. She ran he fingers in the water before turning the faucets off.

"Why, Arizona?" Callie demanded.

Scratching her forehead and staring at the wall in front of her, the blonde said "Let's not do this, Callie. I wanted you to be happy. I left you. End of story. Just leave me alone."

The ortho attending was beside herself. Again. They were finally having the conversation, hell, the conversations, they should have had months ago, and Arizona didn't want to give them the chance?

Add to the mix that her ex had been attacked, had nearly been raped and had given up the Carter-Madison grant and come back home; they needed to continue talking.

"Talking about this will make me happy, Arizona. You leaving me was the worst moment of my life. I get it, okay? I get it. I was ruining it for you. Had I have gone, we would have grown to hate one another and we would have ended anyway. I get all of that. At the time, I didn't. All I could understand was that you were leaving me. I had no home to go back to. No job to return to. I had nothing and you were picking a fucking grant over me."

"I'm sorry, okay? I messed up! I should have said something sooner, but I wanted to stay in our pretty pink bubble. That's been my problem all along, Callie. Yes, I walked away but don't you dare ever think it was easy. I've never done anything more difficult!" Arizona spoke over her.

Standing from her spot on the bathtub's rim, the blonde sniffed back her tears and the larger part of her emotions and looked at Callie.

"I thought I was doing the best thing for us. We were heading towards a breakup long before the airport, Callie. Long before. We broke up, survived a shooting together, and made up. No muss, no fuss. How many conversations have we had regarding what we both promised the other that day?"

The dark skinned woman said nothing, but continued to listen to the blonde in front of her. She knew they were, finally talking things through. She didn't know if it would end up for the better or not. Either way, both of them were putting their cards on the table.

"I hate Mark, Callie. Hate him. I didn't think I had it in me to hate anybody. But him? He comes pretty close. He was always there, Callie. Always. You talked to him more than you ever did with me. He was everywhere all the time. We saw him at work, you two made dinner plans at night, he lived across the hall and interrupted us during our time together. And you? You were perfectly fine with that! You expected me to give him a chance? And you know what, Callie? I did!"

Callie listened and quickly came to the understanding that the other woman was right. About everything. She had allowed her friendship with Mark to intrude upon her relationship with Arizona. The blonde had gone along with things despite having to deal with the knowledge that her lover's best friend had also been someone she'd slept with in the past.

"So, you wanted to talk? We talked. We were a time bomb waiting to happen. I just diffused the situation before everything blew up in our faces. The funny thing is, I really didn't expect to come back and find out you were sleeping with Mark again. That was always my greatest fear, Callie, but I gave him a chance, for you, and came to think better of him. I was starting to slowly put away some of those fears and-"

"Arizona...don't. You're right. I haven't been fair in this. My past relationships have left me pretty jaded."

The other woman scoffed but said nothing. She sat back down on the edge of the tub and rested her chin in her hands.

"Is that going to be your way out the rest of your life? Your past?"

Callie shook her head and came to kneel in front of the smaller woman. She needed Arizona to know. Everything. Their current conversation was cathartic. She needed it to continue.

She noticed the blonde's eyes travel to her neck and widen at the sight of the mark she'd left on her. Fingers came to her mouth as Arizona swallowed back a gasp.

Callie grabbed her hands and lowered them. "I love you. This?" she pointed to the bite on her neck, "this has made me feel more alive than I've felt since you left, Arizona. I know sleeping with Mark was the hugest mistake of my life, but that's kind of full circle if you think about it."

The blue eyed woman narrowed her eyes and back away from her slightly. "How in the world is what you did ful-"

"Because you were my greatest accomplishment. You were my greatest joy. I was me, the me no one else believed I could be, when I was with you. When you left, I didn't know how to exist. You were gone and you'd hurt me, Arizona. I'm self destructive. You know that. You saw that the first night we met."

Arizona licked her lips and shook her head. Callie had called her "her greatest accomplishment" but how were they supposed to just pick up and move on and be them again? Who were they anyway? Did either of them know the other that well at well? Did they even belong together?

The blonde wished the answer to that question was yes. She loved the woman in front of her. No one else could have hurt her this much if she didn't feel such powerful emotions to begin with. Callie was here. She'd left Mark and come looking for. Did that count for anything?

Arizona didn't know. She felt as if the she and Callie were burning, being consumed like the fabled phoenix. Did they posses the ability to be reborn, together, again?

"I tried to forget you, but sleeping with Mark just made me remember you." Callie was talking again and the ex peds surgeon fought to catch up.

"Sex with Mark reminded you of me?" the blonde practically chocked on the question.

Callie smiled and shook her head. She leaned forward and placed her hands flat on the rim of the bathtub. Her amrs surrounded Arizona's body.

"Not the sex, Arizona. I rarely ever got off. When I did, it was shallow and empty."

"I don't want to hear about-"

"Just listen, okay?"

The blonde looked down at her lap. She really didn't want to be doing this. She just wanted to soak in the water behind her and try to forget the way she'd just ravaged Callie's body. That person wasn't who she was. The biting, the roughness, the stilted movements. That wasn't how she touched Callie. Or, it hadn't been.

Something had taken over her when the Latina had kissed her. Something that didn't listen to her mind or her analytical brain. She'd...she'd fucked Callie and the information made her dizzy. The other woman had stopped her from completely fulfilling the act and she'd been able to touch Callie the way she once had. She'd been gentle and feeling Callie's gratitude had been beyond intoxicating to Arizona.

But, a part of her wished that wasn't the case. She needed to move on. Move away. Callie had hurt her in the absolute worst way. How did they move past that?

Nodding her head, she let the other woman continue speaking.

"Being with Mark reminded me of the person I was before I met you. He was familiar and I knew who that person was. Who I had been. Being her was the only way I could handle being without you. That's shitty, I know. You're my greatest love, Arizona. No one can ever compare to you and I didn't want them to. I don't want them to. Mark was a mistake, but he helped me to realize that..."

Blue eyes searched brown and a meek whisper met the air. "Realize what?"

"That I didn't want to get over you, Arizona. That there was no quick cure for losing the love of your life. That toy had changed me for the better and I didn't want to be that person before I met you."

Silence was in hefty supply as both women said nothing. Callie had explained things as much as she could. There was still plenty Arizona needed to hear, to know, to understand. The Latina didn't want to spill her guts if the other woman wanted nothing to do with her.

Arizona was, for the first time in her life, at a loss for words. Callie was telling her she was in love with her, that she wasn't herself without her, but the blonde couldn't get the image of Callie and Mark together out of her mind.

She didn't know what to do. She loved Callie so much it scared her. Her current pain showed her what was at stake for loving someone as passionately as she loved Callie. Did she really want to make another go of things only to risk feeling...this again?

Callie stepped away from her stood up. Arizona immediately missed the heat from her body and looked through teary eyes.

"I'm going to go. Cristina is going to let me stay with her the rest of the month until I can get our...my apartment back. I do love you, Arizona. I may have fucked up the one great thing I had going for me, but I'm glad I got to experience you. You were my dream come true...even if I had to wake up eventually."

Callie's voice was thick and heavy with emotion and Arizona, despite everything that had happened, thought she was gorgeous. Breathtakingly stunning. What did everything they'd just gone through mean? Had it meant anything.

Standing up, Arizona walked over to her ex and looked stricken for a moment. She needed to say something. But what?

"If you need anything, Arizona, please call you need to talk about..." Callie paused and her eyes traveled over the bruise on the blonde's side, "about anything, I'm here for you. I messed up. I hurt you. You hurt me. We both screwed up, but I'm still here for you. I'm not going to be sleeping with Mark anymore. I want my body to remember you so I may be celibate for a while."

The Latina laughed lightly at her own joke and ducked her head. This was hard, but she knew she couldn't force Arizona to get back with her. Callie needed to show the other woman that she could function, maturely, without her. She needed time to grant her to boon of gaining the blue eyed woman's trust back. In short, she needed to atone for past mistakes.

"Your room is paid for until the end of the month, so..."

Arizona cut her off and softly, slowly brought their mouths together. She held Callie's lips with her own for several seconds. She didn't know what the future held for the both of them, but did know that she didn't want to leave Callie as broken as she'd left her before.

Turning her head, slightly, she kissed her ex, fully, a second time. Her hands on Callie's face were gentle and warming. She wasn't so sure if she liked the other woman's shorter hair as much, but being able to kiss her, maybe this one last time, made up for her indecision.

Callie pulled away first and smiled sadly at her. Kissing the blonde's brow once, she stepped away and turned to open the door.

She left Arizona standing in the bathroom and was almost to the front door when her ex's beautiful voice stopped her. Her hand was already on the handle when she turned around.

"Calliope...I love you, too."

The dark haired woman bit back the cry that wanted to escape. Smiling to stop herself from sobbing, she nodded and left the room.

She and Arizona may have been over. They may not have. Only time and both of their commitment would show them the outcome. Everything was uncertain, but as she walked down the hallway of the hotel, she Callie couldn't stop the bright smile that appeared on her face or the happy tears that joined that smile.

Whatever happened, Arizona had called her '_Calliope_' and hearing her name, if perhaps for the last time, from the other woman's mouth was enough to sustain her until fate brought them to where they both needed to be.


End file.
